Military wives!

Tonight I have been sitting here watching reruns of last seasons Army Wives. At the very end of the last show a bunch of wives are standing there sending off their husbands a overseas not knowing when they are going to see them again, all I could do was sit and cry. No one could ever understand how scary and helpless you feel at that moment. Every second is likely to change. You could be eating dinner and your spouse gets a phone and all the sudden dinner is over and they are grabbing their bags to leave. No time to prepare just goodbye.

Everyone can watch the news or tv shows that portray families that go through this, but until you are the one who has to go through it you never really truly understand.

I can remember about 2 week before Brett left the estimated time of departure was Monday May 12 then 3 days later it turned into May 14 and I remember just breathing a sigh of relief because that meant I got more time with Brett, and then all of the sudden on May 7 he went to a meeting and he was leaving May 9th. When he came home from his meeting and told me that he was leaving in 2 days my heart just sank. I felt like my whole world had just been taken from me, I couldn't breathe and I was literally speechless. I was just staring at him in his uniform in a daze. Part of me wanted to cry and the other part of me was just ready for the goodbyes to be over with. After about 10 mins of saying nothing Brett just hugged me and I cried and cried. Part of you feels so angry, because how could the military be so heartless? how can they just expect the families to just accept what is about to happen? I do know why they do it the way they do but it is still not fair. The other part of you is angry at your loved one for being in the military and doing this to you, when you first get with them you know what your getting into but you just think to yourself "eh its not that bad" I'll be ok and besides they won't be deployed with me. HA!

Once you come to terms with the fact that in less than 48 hrs your going to be alone you become absolutely numb. Every hour that passes by seems so slow but at the same time you feel like there's not enough time left.

When Friday May 9th arrived I woke up in the morning and just didn't want to move and I didn't want him to move. I just wanted to stay there in that moment forever. I couldn't think about how in 12 hours I will be dropping Brett off on base and saying goodbye. I just went about my day getting left over things taken care of before he left. If I ever had time to sit and think about it I just cried. Its a type of cry that I have never felt before, and its unexplainable. Inside you know that he'll be back in a short 4 months (longer for others) but that 4 months seems so so so so far away. While you spend the last hours together you feel like you just want to stare at each other and say how much you love each other, you feel like you need to share all these feelings. You may have shared them before but its different this time.

Arriving on base I had this overwhelming feeling of anxiety. I wanted to just break down and cry but I couldn't I had to be strong for Brett and let him know that I'll be ok. We only had about a half an hour left to touch and hug and kiss and exchange meaningful glances and that is not enough time at all. Pulling into the parking lot we just sat in the Jeep and talked about nothing. I would occasionally let a little tear pass. As we sat there I saw the 5 ton trucks coming down the road, which means it's time to go. We looked at each other and got out of the Jeep unloaded his bags and just embraced. I looked around and I could tell apart the wives from the girlfriends. Most of the wives were very tough and said goodbye like it was nothing, the girlfriends were the ones who were crying uncontrollably and hugged their partner with such an embrace that would make any passer by weap. Thank goodness I had my parents there, because I couldn't have done it by myself. Every kiss you exchange feels like the last. I could have kissed him four hundred fifty million times and that wouldn't be enough.

Being apart of the military is a totally different experience, one that I will take with me every day for the rest of my life. The next time you see someone who has a military family just try to put yourself in their shoes. Its not only our soldiers that sacrifice its also the families that sacrifice, maybe even more. We may not all agree with this war but we all need to put our feelings of negativity towards the war aside and support the ones who have to do it, who have to be over there, the ones who are left home while their loved ones fight for us.